Onwards and upwards

It has been eight days now since I started the medication and eight days since I last drank any alcohol, It is a nice feeling not drinking and the fruit juice is a lot healthier.

I have not given up the drink entirely, I was gifted a bottle of nice Red for Christmas and there is a bottle of Cointreau which I bought on a whim a couple of weeks or so ago. They are both in the cupboard safe for another day.

The anxiety is almost under control, though it is lurking there in the background and does not like other road users or slow computers. I am now able to concentrate and work consistently throughout the day and get loads more done than I was managing previously.

However compared to how it was and for that matter how I was it is now negligible, though that is no reason to stop the medication just yet I suspect the road to recovery may be quite long here.

Creativity wise it would appear that writing has taken over from painting and as much as I enjoy painting this other form of creativity is better in any number of ways for the time being at least.


Merry Christmas (xmas is over)

So Christmas is over and all the decorations (what little there were) have been boxed up and ready to go in the attic for another year. The cats had the “tree” last night and that kind of encouraged things otherwise I would only have put it away this evening and not this morning.

A family member has been badgering me to go down their neck of the woods offering all sorts of false incentives and completely ignoring the fact  which has been explained to them that I do not actually want to go anywhere at the moment.  There are things that need to be got on with here like relaxing, speaking to the cats and going to the gym.

After two weeks or so of not going, today’s workout was horrible, it’s amazing how a bit of time out has such an effect on the system and leaves you feeling as weak as a kitten, It looks like I have my work load cut out over the next week or so to get back into shape. In the meantime I really must start looking for new employment and am seriously considering becoming an undertaker, the customers are undemanding, its recession proof and  is nice and quiet, Though I imagine one can have the radio on in the background.

I do not remember if I mentioned it previously but the colouring books I bought  are helping tremendously with the anxiety, I am currently colouring in pictures of Angels.

Anxiety on Christmas day

This year I am spending Christmas largely by myself partly by choice partly by circumstance. Other family members  are all doing their own thing and it is easier to simply stay home. With the way I have been feeling of late it has sometimes been difficult to do anything, even the small things like going to the shops has been nightmarish, so driving for miles and miles for lunch … is just overly daunting.

I like this anxiety as much as I like the time of year and thinking that days are now lengthening comes as a small relief, though there is still a way to go before this boat is back on a even keel.

The tablets seem to be helping as does being abstinent from alcohol. Again that’s partly by choice, mostly via medication, sleeping tablets and anti anxiety drugs don’t mix with drink and the stuff kind of makes me depressed as well does nothing for my mood.

Perhaps it’s  easier to stay on the wagon and drink Tea instead.

Anxiety and depression do strange things to you, the phone ringing  really set me today, even though I know who was calling the noise of the thing was getting me so much I  stuck my fingers in my ears and screamed at it. Should I have just pushed the cat off of my lap and picked the thing up, or just left it to ring? This I have been pondering for several hours on and off now and it’s kind of not helping to do so.

The DR. did say the tablets might make me more anxious to start with even if I do feel better (sometimes)


I received my 2nd paper back today from University. Thought I had done pretty well and might have scored a decent mark which has been a small matter of late.  Part of it may be not understanding the question and missing the point going off on tangents and so forth, ADHD can do this to you, well it does it to me. Being Autistic might have something to do with it though many people on the spectrum tend to be very precise and to the point though that is not always the case, I could of course mention the ADHD again it certainly makes for finding sustainable employment interesting as getting bored of a role happens quite quickly even though my job is varied and reasonably interesting, getting to meet new people all the time it is still a pain in the pocket when I would rather be doing something else.

This was supposed to be about a University assignment, it’s now gone to about work instead.

I hope to be getting better marks soon, like I would like to be getting THE RIGHT help for this condition that plays around like an unpleasant something in the background. I have spoken to my GP and movement is probably happening there and the disabled student people are in on the act now as well.

I have been meaning to write for a little while and it gets frustrating when I cannot find the space, time…   to allow this to happen. I need more structure to my day not disruption, please explain to me why I work for a company that uses that word in its branding.

In the meantime I am painting.