After having sorted through and printed out a whole long line of previous posts from here and got them organised  into some kind of order. I am now going to tackle the big file that incidentally matches the the one I put the other work in and work through a large back log of creative writing and start putting it on board the laptop. First of all I have to translate the hieroglyphs that comprise my hand writing and then discipline myself enough to sit down and work.

That beastly horrid awful chair downstairs helps me stay up here and the dining chairs are a bit low for my work bench so I am staying up here come the evenings where I have a comfy chair and books to surround and inspire me, where needs be.

The other thing about sorting through things enables me to find stuff that goes with painted work which means I can finally put a couple of projects to bed, or do something useful with them. I look forward to completing those canvasses that are covered in the cigarette papers my brother gave me.

Glancing through this stuff some of it is quite rude and may have to carry a health warning, it goes with some of the art work I produced several years ago.

I may add some photo’s to this at some point, there again I may not.

WORK IN PROGRESS

One of the things about being an artist is that you may well find yourself at times with a pile of work that is incomplete which is known as (WIP) This can be something that is sat on the easel or tucked away behind the cupboard drying out, awaiting some more work. if you are working in oils then it is more of the drying out, which can often take ages. Sometimes a piece just sits there for ages and gets treated like some tiresome task that is always being put off.

Sometimes this tardiness is mistaken for procrastination when it is in fact lack of motivation, a difficulty in getting started and needing a break from that god awful chair downstairs that belongs in a torture museum, it is so uncomfortable even the cats ignore it. actually the chair is only part of the equation, I suspect there is a change in direction in the offing, involving greater preparation and better draughtsmanship. Learning how to draw noses.

The garden and pond site are also in need of attention as is the cloakroom which gets done when the weather is really wet, the pond can only be done properly when the bottom has dried out properly and stops being squelchy, squelchy bottoms do not make for stable solid platforms upon which to work.

 

Progression and paperwork

Today has been a day for sorting through old writings and that sort of thing it was also a time for getting the printer to work again. The heads needed cleaning, it now makes just as much noise and clatter as it ever did it. It is an old printer and celebrates it’s 9th birthday at the end of July, on the same day as myself.

It was a lucky day today, all my paperwork is kept in lever arch files of a certain stripe and I was fortunate enough to find the last one in the shop today, knocked down in price and end of line, I am a happy bunny and look forward to working through stuff, editing and generally updating things and creating some sense of order about the place.

I really must go get a cardboard box to put the waste paper in to be recycled and sort out this big pile of stuff to be sold. The advantage of doing all this is I get to plant my backside in the comfy office chair and be surrounded by books, yes I am upstairs again in the place I am happiest, especially if I am doing something worthwhile and productive.

This bag of paper rubbish is beginning to grieve my usual good nature and a box shall be forthcoming at the nearest convenience obtaining shall be considered part of my daily exercise outside of the home. It is a windy day today and watching the Nut tree blowing back and forth makes me ask how do the birds and their nests stay in the branches? I think I may have to give the whole thing a trim come Autumn, this will encourage new growth and improve the yield for the next few years.

It’s time I got dressed and made the dinner, I may well write more later.

TIME FOR A CHANGE

I woke up this morning feeling like poo, its the result of drinking excessive amounts of alcohol, whisky this time cheap nasty Scotch which I really ought to have known better about.

I spent three days without a drink this last week and felt good for it. So it really was a little bit foolish starting again and to be honest I actually prefer sobriety it’s easier on my health and definetly (how do you spell that word?) easier on my wallet. I would prefer to live without this ego thing that I need a drink or three every night. Tea is perfectly good and has the added benefit of being able to walk straight and speak coherently after drinking it.

The best reason is of course giving up to support Jackie in her sobriety journey and the best way to do that is to be sober as well.

Perhaps it’s time to go and get some help.

Other news I seem to have lost the ability to draw and paint, I have lost interest in it at least temporarily, it’s probably a change in direction and has happened before so am not particularly bothered, creativity comes in many forms and it provides an opportunity to sit in a comfy chair be comfortable and give my legs a break. The pond is in a state of flux and is being re-done as is the cloak room ( the place in British homes, where we put our coats) is currently being redecorated, the textured paint is horrible stuff to remove and is not the kind of thing you can sand off. I am pretending the ceiling is not there cause it is rough horrible Artexing, I may just get a handy man to skim it flat and do the other technical stuff

 

 

To believe or not to believe

Once upon quite a while ago I had this pull along chicken. It was a wooden chicken and made a convincing clucking noise as I pulled it up and down the corridors at home. This way I thought it would get it’s exercise and hence lay eggs, cause sure enough each time it went for a ‘walk’  an egg would be sat under it the next morning.

Some people believe in a patriarchal authority figure flies through the sky delivering presents every mid winters eve in an aerodynamically unsound structure being pulled by a herd of ruminants.

I was speaking to a man in the queue at my local supermarket a few days ago and cause it was boring we struck up a socially distanced conversation. Somehow we got onto the subject of Government and politicians. I asked him do you trust (believe) your elected representatives and the current leader of our country?  replying in the affirmative I asked him why  and pointed out  some of the inaccuracies and failings we have witnessed coming from the hands of these people in the last few weeks and months and asked are these the actions of honest people?

Imagine my surprise one day when my wooden egg laying friend ceased to lay, chickens stop laying when they get old and or infirm, not that I knew this at the time or cared for that matter, my morning egg was absent. I soon found out of course and not only felt betrayed but also a little silly, I do not know how old I was but old enough I guess to have known better that  it had been my Mother doing the dirty and putting an egg under said Chicken.

Anyway back to the supermarket. I questioned the man as to whether the deeds committed  by the people in question proved their probity, and demonstrated reliability and honesty in their dealings. He replied “They do not.” Perhaps he thought I was some Agent Provocateur, heaven knows I do look a little different to most people (funny hair, covered in ink and wearing filthy clothes. ( My hands were clean)

Some people even think there is an invisible man in the sky who watches our every action and listens to our every word and made us in his own image. (Are you invisible and have these powers) i spoke to my neighbour yesterday and he is not invisible, he spoke to me so I guess he could see me as well.

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Religion and politics are in fact very similar they are largely based on lies and control. Frighten the people with hell fire and an invisible self created enemy and you are onto a winner, Now tell them you need their money and lots of it and you are made for life.

I am currently in the process of digging a hole for my pre formed pond to go into. Nobody said it would be easy in fact the sales person said it would be quite hard work. I believe them. This does not mean of course you ought think every sales man is straight and honest, just look at the ones in parliament and your local church. they are selling you a product just like they did to your parents, who sold the same thing to you.

Given a choice of politics or religion, I would sooner choose the chicken at least it did not not lie.

 

 

Things to do in COVID time.

Recently I finished doing the pond and making it look nice, with wood chip on the ground and flowers all around. I even had dragon flies and Damsel flies and other kinds of Pond related bugs and beasties.

Before anybody starts worrying, no Frogs or Toads this year, However upon staring into the green depths of the not very big or deep pond I took the rash decision to move it and get something bigger. Baling the pond out with a bucket and subsequently digging a new hole out front, negotiating utilities, Gas and Electric pipes the new hole was dug and said pond ( it is a rigid pre-formed one) was duly installed and filled it is sitting there looking quite nice if not desolate, I have not planted anything in it or around it and have in the meantime been digging the worlds biggest hole to install a new 3×2 metre affair, which is I think the biggest hole I have ever dug. The next stage of the operation will be to level out the bottom ensure the depth is even all around and get the pond in the hole, this is after getting it through the house and across the garden negotiating various cats and other impedimenta.

I have this horrible feeling the other pond might be on the move again. (But not yet)

Other things j thinks I have been playing with Poodle spit ( paint stripper) I have been cleaning the doors up when resting from hole digging, the first door is due to be sanded off and will awaiting undercoating and top coating in due course. the waste pipe through which all the house hold nasties go to the drains is coming in for some close attention it is going to be cleaned up and re-painted something more pleasing with the whole surrounding area re-done and given a new lease of life. And finally the boring old paving slabs are going away to be replaced by nice round stepping stones across the garden and by the washing line, Jackie wants to help and I know she is a good hard worker, the trouble is she is still in the US and aside from painting and writing it can be quite boring and I have too much energy to know what to do with.

The angle of the photo does not do real justice to the depth of the hole and not having any shoes I do not want to go traipsing around in the sticky muck down there and take photos which has steep sides and is approx 8ocm deep in most places. This project is keeping my MH in check and I feel good if not a little sore at the end of each day, who needs a gym when you have a garden to play around in?

The old pond in the new site, which has bricks around it to bend the lip to conform to my needs. I may be getting rid of this in due course and filling the hole in. I suspect turfing the whole area will look a lot neater than it did and how it does at the moment which was a few weeks ago being used to burn brambles and bushes and things, which was rather good fun if not a little silly.

I used to have this poster in my dormitory cubicle at school.

Why do I get these mad ideas into my head and work on them as if nothing else matters?

Why don’t I trust politicians or believe in priest’s?

Why do I like porn and why don’t I ditch it by the wayside? Why don’t I ditch alcohol (again) and leave that by the roadside too?

Why does long term employment evade me and why don’t I like employers?

Why is it I see through their shit and then tell them about it?

 

Why don’t I watch the news and buy their newspapers?

Why don’t I grow up and stop belching and finding toilet jokes funny?

Why don’t I stop farting, or can I even stop farting?

Why can’t I have something more simple than ADHD, why or why oh why do I have so much energy?

Why don’t I appreciate that ‘awful’ school my parents sent me too?

Why did those policemen let me go?

Why did that fool eat that bat?

Why is Donald Trump still alive? Why do they both have stupid looking hair?

Why does Jackie have a sn***le? and Why oh why have the owners of this web platform changed the layout and the way it all works? (WANKERS)

Why am I writing this shit? Why am I calling this SHIT shit?

 

 

 

 

 

WONDERING FREE ( LIKE A W*MBLE)

Wondering what to write, how to write it and then going to do the garden instead, such is my life at the moment. Thinking about what to paint, needing a change of artistic direction and then having feelings of hopelessness and being lost.

Discovering this site is up for renewal and the bank says no. It is raining outside and now it is blue, can I ever bloody win? In truth I have actually changed my working day I paint in the day time and do laptop stuff upstairs in the evening. In the in between periods I do bits of garden.

Clearing out old stuff I have no use for and making space cause no one else is going to do it, I may well find some more long lost things along the way. Seriously thinking about doing a regular vlog, J says it would be a better medium for me to communicate my thoughts as things can get lost in between my brain and my fingers , this just causes confusion and is no good for anyone.

Wondering, (I wonder a lot) what I shall be studying for next years bout of university, something I enjoy naturally and again something I can actually write about without drowning in syrup. ( Not literally) This new setup they have on WP is Peeing me off it wants to do strange stuff when I least expect it and already it has devoured one lot of writing and refused to give it back, now it is refusing to start new paragraph’s. If J was here she could probably fix it, in the meantime I shall have to learn myself a new skill and decide I need a drink when it is done. J is better at giving up the booze than me, the stuff once made me violently ill… Nowadays.. ?

I shall have a mug of tea instead.

WHILST LISTENING TO LUDWIG VAN B.

I could write some inflammatory rantings here about a host of issues including Messrs. Johnson and Trump. I am not going to, they both have a job to do and whatever that job is and whoever they are working for let them get on with it.

Conspiracy theories and that sort of thing used to take up a not small bit of my day.  However a few years ago I grew up and stopped bothering my head about the NWO and Bohemia Grove and took up spirituality instead. The current lock down is providing plenty of time for study of this kind  and with university done with for the year even more so. Part of this spiritual practice is creating or more more precisely painting, I have been doing loads of painting and am running out of Turpentine. (Though I have plenty of white spirit) which does not smell nearly as nice. I am also halfway to convincing myself I am in desperate need of a major re-supply of paint when in fact I have plenty and this is probably the thing that is causing me to have acid reflux  the  supposed lack of paint.  Once a while ago it was finances, now it is paint and whilst finances are not great, they are the least of my concerns, the chief of which is paint and to be honest only paint.

I could not give a flip about not having a ‘job’, I have chosen the life path of an artist if the authorities want me to go work in a supermarket and stack cans of beans, that is their business. I ought to be applying to galleries and posting more stuff on platforms like this instead of wasting time trolling through job sites getting annoyed cause they all want you to be a team player and neurotypical both of which I am not.

My sister did mention I could go find work at a particular place,saying they employ dunder arses there, I think she was either joking or noticed my displeasure, cause she then said you will be smarter than the rest of them.

I looked and they have no vacancies around here.

Thinking of lack creates lack , think yourself to be skint, poor, broke then that will surely be your lot. Swap these negatives around, tell yourself you have all you need and more is coming and you have plenty, then it will be so.

I have plenty of Turpentine, the air is saturated with it.  I have plenty of paint as well, the cleaning rags are covered in the stuff and so is half my wardrobe. I lack for nothing and my cleaning jar runneth over.

It is 23 days now since I last had a drink and feel a lot o better for it as well, whether I ever drink again remains to be seen right now I am getting along with innumerable mugs of tea and J is doing the same though not perhaps so much. She is well and is out of the place where she went, we will be re-united very soon.

I really must get on and develop this site and make a gallery of recent and perhaps not so recent artwork.

 

 

THE NON DEMON DRINK.

J is going to hospital today, she will probably be away for a good four weeks maybe a little longer. In many respects I ought to be going with her but due to various constraining factors that is not currently possible. You see we both have the same condition in that we live with excruciating anxiety disorders that can make life unbearable at times and we both like to drink, Alcohol helps deal with the anxiety but it does not help with the depression we both live with, we medicate ourselves with depressants when we both take anti-depressants, which rather defeats the object of the initial exercise in taking the medication.

Up to around three years ago I had not had a drink for ten years or more, then I had a drink and in that time have managed three days without drinking not bad on 50+ units week average.

It is never the money that motivates me to stop, though this time I may well make the exception to the rule and enjoy having something to put aside each month. I also look forward to saying good bye to the hang overs and the shakes and generally feeling a lot healthier. I shall also be looking to get some kind of counselling or  go to AA meetings. Something I did not do the first time around.

I have found, as may some readers that when I choose to do anything in the affirmative to make positive steps to clear up my act, it gets poo poo-ed and people say it is your Irish blood  or that’s not much. It has nothing to do with your ancestral blood or the intake it is an addiction which is like any other illness you have to admit there is a problem before you seek help and then have the fortitude and willingness to undertake the cure.

I have J she is in safe hands, I also have the cats they don’t know I have an alcohol issue but are a great comfort at any time of day or night.