I used to have this poster in my dormitory cubicle at school.

Why do I get these mad ideas into my head and work on them as if nothing else matters?

Why don’t I trust politicians or believe in priest’s?

Why do I like porn and why don’t I ditch it by the wayside? Why don’t I ditch alcohol (again) and leave that by the roadside too?

Why does long term employment evade me and why don’t I like employers?

Why is it I see through their shit and then tell them about it?


Why don’t I watch the news and buy their newspapers?

Why don’t I grow up and stop belching and finding toilet jokes funny?

Why don’t I stop farting, or can I even stop farting?

Why can’t I have something more simple than ADHD, why or why oh why do I have so much energy?

Why don’t I appreciate that ‘awful’ school my parents sent me too?

Why did those policemen let me go?

Why did that fool eat that bat?

Why is Donald Trump still alive? Why do they both have stupid looking hair?

Why does Jackie have a sn***le? and Why oh why have the owners of this web platform changed the layout and the way it all works? (WANKERS)

Why am I writing this shit? Why am I calling this SHIT shit?







So since the last job fell through or should that be since the universe wanted something else of me. Actually enough has already been written about this time, So it is better to write of something else.

My efforts at looking for re-employment have been minimal half of me says go look the other half says PAINT and so it is the still quiet voice withing that is followed and the lure of an employer fails to attract me to its baited line. Call it lazy or call it whatever,painting brings me a great sense of peace and probably helps one  deal with the torments of ADHD and mental ill health even the job centre have an appreciation of these things and they know me quite well in that place so much so I may as well apply for a job there, they may even employ me.

Brandy is a highly addictive substance, my Mum warned me about it many years ago and I mentioned this to her a few days ago when I was down that neck of the woods. She promptly warned me again. I think she noticed how much I was drinking and it’s pointless denying it I drink just a little bit more than is sensible, or is the bottles are not big enough? One or the other, I have yet to establish which.

Other news, a career in the creative sector appeals to me, preferably self employed and I am applying myself diligently to this. It would be  nice to have a studio to work from or maybe I can use the greenhouse, it’s big enough for sure and has plenty of light coming in. I wonder what the cards would say to such an idea, actually I went to check a place yesterday, it’s not great but a step in the right direction for sure. teaching art to the greater community and sharing ones skills in encouraging others to be creative with paint. Yeah.

Sophia loren is a beautiful woman. However my fiance J is just that bit more so. x



I received my 2nd paper back today from University. Thought I had done pretty well and might have scored a decent mark which has been a small matter of late.  Part of it may be not understanding the question and missing the point going off on tangents and so forth, ADHD can do this to you, well it does it to me. Being Autistic might have something to do with it though many people on the spectrum tend to be very precise and to the point though that is not always the case, I could of course mention the ADHD again it certainly makes for finding sustainable employment interesting as getting bored of a role happens quite quickly even though my job is varied and reasonably interesting, getting to meet new people all the time it is still a pain in the pocket when I would rather be doing something else.

This was supposed to be about a University assignment, it’s now gone to about work instead.

I hope to be getting better marks soon, like I would like to be getting THE RIGHT help for this condition that plays around like an unpleasant something in the background. I have spoken to my GP and movement is probably happening there and the disabled student people are in on the act now as well.

I have been meaning to write for a little while and it gets frustrating when I cannot find the space, time…   to allow this to happen. I need more structure to my day not disruption, please explain to me why I work for a company that uses that word in its branding.

In the meantime I am painting.


On closing an account

I Like to do work with the Tarot, this system of divination can provide many insights into events and how one should go about seeking the best solution to matters that are on ones mind. Whilst this method has been in use since time immemorial it is also important to maintain an open mind and also accept that common sense may also have a part to play in ones decision making, you do not need a pack of cards to determine the outcome of approaching a venomous serpent!

So a week ago, I drew a few cards for my fiance and i and one card drawn was that of death the thirteenth card of the major arcana, it signifies in the final sense change, endings and upheaval not necessarily physical demise. We are both autistic me, with my fairer half having Asperger’s ( she takes things literally, sometimes very much so) As a result one does have to be careful how one phrases conversation, she took this card to signify the end of our relationship,or possibly so. I reassured her in my usual tactless fashion that this was not the case and she should not worry herself like this.

Three days ago, a lot of pent up frustration boiled over and I abruptly ended our beautiful partnership maybe it was the warm weather too much drink or simply not being very good at expressing myself emotionally, or a combination of all three whichever was responsible it was a horrible time and if i felt awful for all of this, then she felt it a hundred times worse.

Things are better now, we went to a concert in London last night and had a beautiful time, with one of my musical heroes, I think Jackie has now been converted too, even if we walked for hours in the heat and did not sit down or rest very much I have ADHD.

We are still an item and are planning the rest of our lives together and are speaking more than ever,whilst still enjoying the quiet times we have whilst pursuing our own unique autistic interests.

Did I forget to mention I closed down my old website to focus more on this one, we have also stopped drinking alcohol.