To believe or not to believe

Once upon quite a while ago I had this pull along chicken. It was a wooden chicken and made a convincing clucking noise as I pulled it up and down the corridors at home. This way I thought it would get it’s exercise and hence lay eggs, cause sure enough each time it went for a ‘walk’  an egg would be sat under it the next morning.

Some people believe in a patriarchal authority figure flies through the sky delivering presents every mid winters eve in an aerodynamically unsound structure being pulled by a herd of ruminants.

I was speaking to a man in the queue at my local supermarket a few days ago and cause it was boring we struck up a socially distanced conversation. Somehow we got onto the subject of Government and politicians. I asked him do you trust (believe) your elected representatives and the current leader of our country?  replying in the affirmative I asked him why  and pointed out  some of the inaccuracies and failings we have witnessed coming from the hands of these people in the last few weeks and months and asked are these the actions of honest people?

Imagine my surprise one day when my wooden egg laying friend ceased to lay, chickens stop laying when they get old and or infirm, not that I knew this at the time or cared for that matter, my morning egg was absent. I soon found out of course and not only felt betrayed but also a little silly, I do not know how old I was but old enough I guess to have known better that  it had been my Mother doing the dirty and putting an egg under said Chicken.

Anyway back to the supermarket. I questioned the man as to whether the deeds committed  by the people in question proved their probity, and demonstrated reliability and honesty in their dealings. He replied “They do not.” Perhaps he thought I was some Agent Provocateur, heaven knows I do look a little different to most people (funny hair, covered in ink and wearing filthy clothes. ( My hands were clean)

Some people even think there is an invisible man in the sky who watches our every action and listens to our every word and made us in his own image. (Are you invisible and have these powers) i spoke to my neighbour yesterday and he is not invisible, he spoke to me so I guess he could see me as well.


Religion and politics are in fact very similar they are largely based on lies and control. Frighten the people with hell fire and an invisible self created enemy and you are onto a winner, Now tell them you need their money and lots of it and you are made for life.

I am currently in the process of digging a hole for my pre formed pond to go into. Nobody said it would be easy in fact the sales person said it would be quite hard work. I believe them. This does not mean of course you ought think every sales man is straight and honest, just look at the ones in parliament and your local church. they are selling you a product just like they did to your parents, who sold the same thing to you.

Given a choice of politics or religion, I would sooner choose the chicken at least it did not not lie.



And this is for

Dear R

(How are you my beautiful, brave friend?)

You asked me to write something about myself, so here it is. It’s easier than writing on messenger (I think)

Where do I start ? well I could mention them Catholics that raised me I think I already have, I do not need to describe church and the stuff they used to brain wash you with. ” Jesus died for your sins” ” Thats his business, I never asked him to.”  The good monks as they were called were horrified and singled me out for special treatment. ( Not true) but it certainly caused trouble. Detentions and so on.

Have you read the story about the shot gun cartridges yet? Please do it’s one of the funny ones and was such good fun making those explosions as was raiding the chemistry lab stores at school and obtaining bomb making equipment. These days I would be stewing in Guantamano bay or wherever it is they lock bomb makers and terrorists now. It was always our dream to blow up the Abbey tower with that stupid big bell in it during Sunday mass, that would have been such fun. Never got round to it.


Briefcases, a trombone and probably some other places as well, do you know the laxative story yet, it’s on FB  though I may well publish it here as well. Then there is the week  of the aerosol canisters (school again) A few of us were bored and started sucking on deodorant cans  and getting fucked up on that stuff. It tasted horrible and that was the good stuff and left your mouth all dried out like the bottom of a parrot’s cage.

We drank like mad men in that place as well, cause we were bored and there was bugger all else to do at weekends. My SEN school was fairly normal compared to this place, mind you there we had no chance to do mischief and if you did , were caught Dog help your sorry arse. It would get beaten into next week I held the school caning record for a good while there. Something I am still proud of  and I do like being spanked. By the right person of course. But that’s another story altogether.


Taken in Oxford around 1999/2000

Thank you for giving me the impetus to write again, it provides a greater release than just painting and I do enjoy it so.  Well i am going to eat my dinner now and drink some of that Cider before it goes off (old joke, older story, please ask) Then I really must call up my very good friend J and make sure she is OK she was sectioned a little while ago and is in Bing … would love to get out there sometime but not before she is out and better again.

I really ought to write some more about wearing skirts and not having any trousers no more. Soon ok

Keep shining

Jessica x

Jesus was a black man

It is nearly the second week in my new career. I can at least say I am happier than I have been in a long time. Did I say that last time? So what if I did. I managed to drill though a pipe today. (Again)  and to top it all the hedge cutter blew up, it gave out a big bang like crack a shot of electric light and the smell of smoke. I think it is now broken.

I miss not being at work, but am enjoying the warm weather and  have been doing stuff about the garden. J is doing well, this makes me a lot happier and puts a lot of stresses to bed. I can at least sleep peacefully,even if I do need to get up at some unearthly hour to pee, I am at least sleeping properly.


perhaps I am drinking a little bit to much right now, but a lot less than I used to, Should I drink more tea. The administrator in the office is married to my manager.  They are both nice people and I have bruises from training.

Jesus was a black man, anything else is ridiculous.

To bury the dead is one of the corporal acts of mercy.


Childhood and the church

The time has come for a change from speaking about mental health, anxiety and that sort of thing. I feel the time has come to write a little about the past. The past affects us in different ways but one thing is for certain, it is the reason why we are in the positions we are in now.

Or at least that is the theory and what they love to tell you at school and in other places as well.

So when I was a youngster, I was being raised as a good Catholic boy, by a good catholic mother who amongst other things had some fantasy (shall we call it?) that one day I would be a missionary somewhere in Africa.  Its another story and can wait for another day.

So my mum thought it would be a good idea to have me turned into an altar boy, that is to serve the priest at mass. Unhappily I was never the most attentive of Father’s acolytes, I fiddled with the medal I had to wear around my neck. (you were “given” it on your saint’s day) I never quite managed to ring the bell the correct number of times, twice instead of thrice, that is when I was not trying to dismantle the thing.

Where I was useless at serving God, I was good in other ways. Mum thought it a good idea that I could help Father by putting out the vestments  for the week day mass, it was quite simple nip over the road, put the glad rags out and back again. However there was the question of the altar wine, which it has to be said was pretty good stuff, it was sweet made my feet tingle and it was nice. And I could say that the Devil tempted me.




The last time anything was written on this subject was several years ago around about 3 1/2 years ago to be precise and do you know how much I have missed writing in that time it was only the other day yesterday to be precise that I read a face book entry posted by a lady she is on the ASD spectrum sort of thing and it just felt write was the right time the stars and the moon being in the right place sort of thing which compelled me to write, it was not very much around fifteen lines or something but the difference it has made maybe it’s the ASD in my own make up kicking in the enthusiasm for new things can be quite overwhelming at times dropping everything else in pursuit of something new and in saying that a change is what is needed too much paining well not too much its simply time to find a new avenue of creativity and I guess this is it.

aries   Aries: the cardinal fire sign the first sign in the zodiacal year

Introductions over this piece is more to do with Religion and Astrology and to be precise the 12 astrological houses and Catholicism having been raised according to the teachings of the church of Rome it was I do not have to say quite a big part of my life for quite a little time these days and for quite a while now it has not been I find Astrology more interesting instead and occasionally even find myself reading the horoscopes though in practice it seems  easier not to perhaps it makes for less to think about not being able to see the wood for the trees, that sort of thing.

taurus Taurus: the 2nd sign of the zodiac the fixed earth sign

So anyway the 12 apostles of Jesus are or more correctly were: Simon Peter, Andrew, James (the son of Zebedee), John, Philip, Bartholomew, Thomas, Matthew, James  (the son of Alphaeus), Thaddaeus, Simon the Zealot and Judas Iscariot

gemini Gemini: the 3rd sign of the zodiac the mutable air sign

I know this not because I have a good memory which I do but more so that I had a look on a popular search engine and got my results there, I could have looked in the  bible however I am quite comfortable and the bible is over there somewhere.

cancer Cancer: the 4th sign represented by the Crab

So what has this got to do with Astrology?  Well that I shall leave you to look at and see for yourselves in the meantime here is a painting from a few years ago.



Jesus cursing the Fig tree 2011

This picture was chosen cause I prefer it to that of the last supper and I was pruning back the Fig tree in the garden a couple of days ago so its nice to keep things in context this is   the scene in the gospels of Matthew and Mark  but not in those of Luke and John where Jesus and his apostles come across a fig tree with no fruit as it was out of season this incurred Jesus’ anger and caused him to say.

leo  Leo: the fifth sign of the zodiac represented by the glyph of the Lions mane

“May no one eat from you again.”  Sure enough the next time Jesus and his followers passed that way again the Fig tree was withered up and brown.

I like bible stories and indeed I won the religious studies prize one year at school actually that’s a lie I won the Divinity cup as well but that’s another story. What the school teachers failed to mention was anything to do with Astrology and the 12 signs of the zodiac  that followed their leader around the place in this case the sun but wait a minute is one of the many names of Jesus the sun/son of God or am I simply reading too much into this story and now dreaming up some silly conspiracy idea  at this rate there may well be  mention of King Arthur and the knights of the round table there were 12 of them as well but again that’s another story and one I am sure most people are familiar with enough films have been made on the subject probably as many that have been made about Jesus himself.

virgo  Virgo: the sixth sign of the astrological calendar the sign of the virgin and the harvest.

So 12 apostles and twelve zodiac signs in fact the number 12 or twelfth appears 187 times in the bible some sources state 212 take your pick either way but that’s quite a lot however this is not a counting game.

Believe in astrology or not it is still quite an interesting subject to behold and when we put names to the signs you begin to see a whole lot more and lots of things come together and make a whole lot more sense.

There is a lot more to be written on this subject but it may not necessarily be the next thing to be written about.